Hi to you all – our lovely, loyal WLOV readers!
It’s Mr Petersham here again,
You know me. I’m the owner and publisher of this brilliant new local website for our village.
You might have seen me around the village supporting local shopkeepers by buying things in their shops, although I know I can buy them cheaper in one of the big shops in town. Or supporting the local charities by buying a poppy or a small self-adhesive sticker from one of our great charity volunteers who collect money for these little sticky fellas on the high street on Saturday mornings – the stickers that I don’t put on my coat because I don’t want to make a big thing out of it.
Or you may have seen me walking round the village in my crazy combat shorts and flip flops even when it’s cold, which you can tell because I have quite a thick fleece on my top half. Or hear me whistling tunes a bit too loudly when I’m about and about – or doing loud mock operatic arias when in queues or just around the place. Or talking too loudly and slightly too long and in an overly familiar way to people’s dogs. I used to run a few businesses around here. I’m a local character! I call people ‘guys’ and say ‘cool’ alot. Do you know who I am yet??
Anyway, I just wanted to make sure that you guys are all clear that this new character on WLOV ”Professor von Biff-Boffen” (cool name!) is a fictional cartoon character invented by my crazy 21 year old niece Maisie and he does not really exist (sorry guys!)
So I just wanted to make this clear. I’ve had a few of the village’s kids peering over my back wall and running into my garden – because they think that Professor Otto von Biff-Boffen lives at my house in the village. He doesn’t. I do. I live in my house.
I can understand why young people may have thought that – I do have an annexe at the back of my large house which is almost as Maisie described Professor Biff-Boffen’s laboratory, but this is my snooker room! Sorry to disappoint you little guys who have been peering through the curtains! No experiments take place in their I can assure you – unless you count experimental snooker and billiards shots that is!
I’m sure Maisie made an innocent mistake and did not want to signpost a load of you guys to my house – which it looks like she may have done in the article. Perhaps in some small way to get back at me for curtailing here (non) story about that person in the village who stumbled and nearly fell over.
I’ve had a chat with Maisie and we’re all cool.
Maisie did apologise in her roundabout way, by saying ‘I am sorry that the people in this backwards-looking, tatty village cannot see that this stupid creation is clearly an amalgamation of several cliched, fictional scientific characters such as Professor Pat Pending from Wacky Races, Beaker from the Muppets and Professor Heinz Wolff from The Great Egg Race. This Professor clearly does not live anywhere locally. Indeed he does not even ‘live.’
I thank Maisie for this statement of apology, but would like to clear up one mistake she made. Professor Heinz Wolff, is real! And is still alive at the ripe old age of 85. Also The Great Egg Race was a really cool show and in every way superior to later imitations such as Scraphead Challenge. I once bought a bow tie autographed by Professor Wolff at a charity auction – so I should know a little about him. (D’oh! There’s me talking about my charity work again – you’ve caught me! Not cool!)
Anyway, I hope this clears everything up.
I’ve asked Maisie to redouble her efforts to make this website the coolest site around for you guys in the village. And to get more mileage from some of the characters and features she’s introduced to basically deliver one fairly predictable ‘joke.’
So let’s hope some of these features become regulars on this site – it helps us to sell advertising, something we are patently struggling with at the moment.
Anyway. keep local village guys! Be cool!
See you around town!
PS Here’s a link to Heinz Wolff’s own cool website! Heinz Wolff