Our village awoke this morning to the news that one its residents had nearly fallen over some time yesterday afternoon. An eye witness who telephoned our news hot desk but refused to leave their name said that they had seen someone wearing a dark blue, or brown or black coat stumble on the far side of the high street and believed the stumble was so bad that the person had to put their hand to the ground to stop them falling over completely. Although this preventative action may have led to some grazing on the palm and lower fingers of the hand – it did prevent the possibility of a knee graze and even a possible trouser rip.
Immediately after the incident the person sood up sharply, looked around a bit and then brushed any small bits of gravel remaining after the hand’s high speed impact with the pavement and then carried on walking ‘altogether more carefully’ as the eye-witness put it.
Because of the distance involved and the neutral clothing worn the unlucky victim was not identified and may still be suffering from a hand injury.
Our correspondent spoke to the village resident health expert ‘ex Town Hospital nurse Margaret Phelwood who said: “Nearly falling over is one of the worse accidents that befall residents, and may only be marginally less bad than actually falling over.” When we asked if the unlikely ‘near faller’ should contact trhe medical services Ex Nurse Phelwood said “Yes. They should.” And when we said “Why” Nurse Phelwood said “Because there is a risk of infection if the skin on the hand was punctured and an open wound was formed by any small stones or gravel that may have been on the ground when the hand hit it. Especially if the small stones and gravel bits were pointy. And the points were pointing up when the hand hit them.”
We also spoke to ex Councillor Marcus Phelchurch CBS who had heard about the near fall whilst out walking his dog ‘Whisky.’ My Phelchurch said ‘it was only a matter of time before someone nearly fell over in the village, I have been saying this for years. You look at minutes of the Town Council Meeting meetings and you will see that I was raising the possibility of a fall seven or eight years ago – perhaps even longer. I have seen people stumble and slip and now one has nearly fallen. I asked for £2,000 to fund signage for my “Don’t fall over and don’t nearly fall over campaign” but the Town Council wouldn’t have it. Instead they’ve ploughed money into local hospitals and schools and other social services. Well, unless people don’t fall over they’ll never make it to school or hospital. Stands to reason. We must assist pedestrian travel or we’ll not get anywhere.”